Sargon

Sargon of Akkad is a far center youtuber, known conspiracy theorist, fan of elevator music and the king of Mesopotamia.

He is known under many pseudonyms, including Sargoy of Mossad, The Boomer, Sargon al-Akkad, the Soyfather, father of dadism and in certain exclusive circles, he is even known as Carl.

Childhood and Early Life
Sargon was born at an early age into a military family, being predestined to fight in the meme wars. He was living on a military base deep in uncivilized Bri'ish colonial territories (Germany). He spent his days reading classic Bri'ish literature and thanking god for being able to enlighten the savage natives by his presence. Eventually, disgusted by the fact the locals didn't even read Locke, the family moved back to Albion.

Little is known of Sargon's teenage years except that at some point he invented the concept of being a king, ruling the empire of Akkad until a small desert tribe off the coast of the Persian Gulf swindled him out of his oil-rich land.

He later underwent a spiritual journey into the closest thing to the earthly version of purgatory, council office work (do not confuse with call centers, those are the earthly version of hell). This convinced him that there must be something more to life and purged him of his consumerist concerns of coomerism, turning him to a more philosophical side.

Sargon is approximately 1/69th black, which makes him eligible to become a president in the US of America as all black people around the world are descended from that place's slaves and have been for millenia. Unfortunately, he has been banned from the country for refusing to eat corn "bread".

At some point not known, Sargon began to work in some capacity for the Mossad. Sargon has been incredibly pro-Israel, and believes in them as a military asset. His enemies in the Alt-Right and the Radical Left have targeted his ties to Mossad and accuse him of being a "Jewish Scheklemancer" and a part of the Zionist Conspiracy. Sargon has so far maintain his ties to Mossad.

Exploits
Sargon is best known for his meme war campaigns staged through his many jewtube accounts. His career started sometime in the early 2010s, delving into the finer points of aviation fuel and the melting point of high loadbearing steel constructions. Over time, he changed focus to the initiation rites of meme warriors all across the globe - making fun of tumblr feminists. Applying the powers of his ancient mesopotamian tinfoil hat (a technology similar to the Baghdad battery), Sargon has determined that while staying in poorly lit bedrooms and incoherent tumblr posts for the time being, feminism might pose a problem for the society at large, however he wasn't overly concerned.

The following section chronicles his exploits in further detail.

The First Meme War (Burgers and Fries and Gamergate)
In mid-2014, an avid boulder collector Mundane Matt reported on a story which was centered about a turboslut "game" "developer" and manlet "journalists" willing to trade their reviews for sloppy sexual favours. This temporarily cost him his channel and the entire incident was reported on by a mysterious individual known as Internet Aristocrat. Sargon has caught attention of this event and quickly rose to prominence as one of the frontline figures reporting and discussing this internet swamp.

It quickly developed into a widespread internet conflict between gamers, reasonable people and mememancers on one side and slimy blobs, morally corrupt journalists and SJWs on the other. This was called Gamergate, and while it was not apparent yet, it was to become the first meme war of the 2010s.

Sargon stood on the frontlines with many others, reporting on new ongoings and smiting lowly journalist sycophants with his humour which owed much to the Bri'ish tradition. As his investigations delved deeper, he discovered that it is not just the journalists that are against the gamers. The ideology has spread not only to many community managers, but also to the CEOs and upper echelons of the gaming companies themselves.

To many hitherto unaware people, Gamergate served as the first glimpse into the world of hypocrisy and blind ideological adherence that was going on behind the scenes of gaming industry. The society at the time was based on presenting facts and the assumption that your opponent will act in good faith. Sargon has recognized that this makes the society at large utterly unprepared for what lies ahead. This discovery has also cost him his tinfoil hat which shortcircuited.

The entire Gamergate incident was later summarized as a "kertuffle" by an allegedly literate Romanian gypsy vampire.

Interbellum period
Aware that we live in a society, Sargon has redoubled his efforts to fight the oncoming culture war, creating many channels aimed on not just games, news, but also ancient philosophy, history and advanced Crusader Kings military tactics, ultimately culminating in disussing politics. While undeniably useful, as an unfortunate side effect, a large part of his content became very boring. This serves to demonstrate that politics is in fact big gay.

Making multitudes of channels that advise people to do other things than CONSOOM™ has incurred the wrath of Google, who have recently broke free of a magical incantation that forbade it from being evil. Sargon's channels were struck down, but this was futile as their master was able to evade the leviathan's wrath.

During this time it also turned out that SJWs are actually communists, controlling USAn universities (just as Sargon once feared). This was a source of much entertainment for slavs all across the world.

The Second Meme War (the God Emperor rising)
Historians generally agree that the second meme war has fully begun during the 2016 USAn presidential race and due to massive consensus reality dissonance with actual happenings dragged on for nearly four years. Sargon has been an active participant alongside many other notable mememancer allies.

The God Emperor and the Cult of Kek
In 2016 a presidential race has been taking place in America. Despite being eligible thanks to his ancestry, Sargon did not take part as he refused to emigrate to the USA due to the border control confiscating all his books, not understanding what they were.

The final contenders ended up being a lizard person of the moloch cult (as described by the holy prophet Alexandros Ionesos) in a malfunctioning costume and a well-known yet relatively politically unengaged man who radiated golden, assuring energy of orange hue. The orange man, variously known as Donald Trump, two scoops man, Alexander of Macedon or The God Emperor of Mankind, has quickly become a favourite of of all Americans who think America isn't such a bad idea. His majestic imperial presence and open disobedience to the SJW world order awoke a keen interest in the internet's mememancers who quickly identified the orange man as an avatar of a frogotten Egyptian frog god of primordial change, KEK. This led to a creation of an unofficial number-obsessed frog-based cult who used the internet's gestalt unconsciousness to propagate the chaos of change with the goal of generating as many sets of matching numbers as possible.

The frog cult's efforts resulted in a seeming victory, with the God Emperor (with KEK's help or without) becoming the USAn president, at 70 years, 7 months and 7 days old, proving to the cult that number magic works.

Sargon has served as one of the major prophets of the frog cult, once again taking up the mantle of emperorship to revive the ancient country of Kekistan, whose nationals live in a diaspora all across the world. He took up support of the God Emperor, reluctantly at first, only siding with him to fight the lizard people, but in time became his staunch supporter.

Nomadic Life and Performing Miracles
After his victory in the colonies, Sargon turned his attention back to the Bri'ish isles, besieged by the kings of Eu, an ancient city-state rival of the legendary Ur that took upon itself to continue the legacy of SSSR in the western Europe. Sargon was all too well familiar with the underhanded tactics of this corrupt empire, and knew that true change can only come from within.

To this end, he joined the Ukipper party, an assembly of free fishermen seeking to reclaim their sea bounty from the kings of Eu. During this time he was said to perform minor miracles, like making a 35 year woman feel attractive again by claiming he would not even rape her, or on one occassion turning away the journalist demon mob by calling them by their true name of Dir'ty Sam-mear Marchants.

Finally, Sargon set out on a pilgrimage, with the pretense of making himself better known (under the name UKIP Rape Man), so he can join the council of the kindom of Eu. But this all was a clever ruse, for he used these travels to spread the word of ancient, long forgotten concepts of "debating" and "thinking for yourself" with the aim of perhaps igniting some pride in the Bri'its.

His pilgrimage finally concluded when he arrived to the Great Rock of Raltar, besieged by the vassal of Eu, Spain. Battling his way through the spaniards who screamed "Gib Raltar!" at him, he stood in front of the palace and challenged the turncoat ruler to face him like a man. Unfortunately, no account of their encounter seems to have survived, but Gib-raltar, as the land has been called since, remains a part of Bri'ain to this day.

On some occassions he is alleged to have summoned fish and milkshakes out of thin air to quench the hunger and thirst of the gathered people. Considering his ties to the Ukipper party, there might be some truth to this legend.

Of note are rumours that during this time, Sargon was assassinated by one of his many enemies and has been played by a man named James ever since. Whether to continue his legacy or to control his followers, the rumors do not tell.

The War for the Presidency
Although the mememancers and the God Emperor remained, despite their victory, under the assault of the forces affected by cognitive reality dissonance, the period after the second meme war was a relatively stable one. The God Emperor was in good favours of his people and his rule was bountiful and strong for several years.

Alas, it was during this time that he faced two major scourges. First, the rise of a new mostly peaceful religion whose leaders sought to forsake individuality, to the point of calling their followers simply "bodies" and with an adjective based on their general colour. Second was the unidentified plague of uncertain (but definitely not east asian) origin that ravaged the world and turned many happy people into prisoners in their own homes. A cunning plague lord known only as Coofomo of Neo York has cleverly spread the disease amongst his own people and blamed the deaths on the God Emperor.

And in this dark hour, the time for new presidential erection came. Sargon once again refused to partake, standing firm in his support of the God Emperor, instead spreading warnings of the unidentified plague of uncertain (but definitely not east asian) origin and its sinister effects: How it plagued not only bodies but also the mind of men, turning them weak and servile. But, in a seemingly fortunate twist of fate, the God Emperor's opponent turned out to be a hologram of an old sleepy man controlled by a corrupt police woman. Victory seemed all but assured.

The greater was the surprise when the erection was won not by the God Emperor, but by China, of all entities. Some considered it strange that the chinese party wasn't even on the ballots, but the erection itself turned to be extremely fair and uninterfered with. In fact, a spell was cast to reveal any evidence to the contrary, but found none. Not even the mighty shaman Mikael "turning transgenders into transistors" Pen'ce could defy the overwhelmingly uncontested and by-the-rules result. The people were silenced. The God Emperor was framed and in the end, only a handful of internet-based knights and lords including Sargon and Cucker Tarlson the Foxlord, stood at his side. The Emperor has exiled himself to the mythical land of Florida, to strike fear into the hearts of journalists by hitting small balls with clubs repeatedly, but woved to all his followers that he will continue his fight and return when his people need him the most.

The Third Meme War (present day)
''Note: It is debated whether we are currently in a third meme war or merely in a period of meme resistance to the holographic president. We will only be able to tell, as is often the case with living in historical times, in hindsight, several years from now.''

Victory taken from him in 2020, Sargon followed his lord and refused to despair during these leaden days. Recognizing this as a time where men have to adapt, he shook off his pursuers by making up a completely fake new name for himself. This name was Carl. It worked well as a disguise because his USAn enemies weren't even able to pronounce it correctly. Then he gathered by his side those who thought alike, that is, differently, and formed a small resistance group. This group became a home of many different thinkers and old friends of Sargon like his trusty apprentice, secretary, video editor and janitor Callum of Russia, and Discordia, the mistress of machines among others. However, there also have been some new faces, like Josh, the incredibly realistic-looking man or Hugo, a gestalt amalgamation of middle European cosmopolitanism, hailing from the far-away island of Utopia.

Sargon named this ragtag group of misfits the Flower Devourers in honor of his and his old mate Ulysses' favourite pastime of munching on plants. In their rogue broadcasts, he continues his pilgrimage of days past, when men still could freely walk the land, and spreads the word of "thinking for yourself", seeking to unveil the truth and unmask falsehoods.

Views
Sargon remains comitted to the ancient arcane art of discourse, as well as the forgotten concept of "thinking for yourself" that he's been steadfastly attempting to ignite in people for most of his career.

Since founding the herb ingesting group, he started the philosophy of dadism, a philosophical school opposed to CONSOOM™erism, coomerism, wasting your life and laziness. Dadism teaches that to be a true man (or a woman when it comes to it), one has to rely on himself, put the work in first so you can reap rewards later and help others to create a strong family and a strong community. In other words, build a house, plant a tree, have a child (or five).

In his spiritual explorations he encountered and set on the path of asceticism, further shrugging off earthly concerts. He has since been known to think partially in pure concepts, on one occassion stating that he does not even remember what chocolate tastes like anymore, just that he used to like the taste.

Sargon is also an advanced scholar of the race theory, arguing that nobody in this world can be trully called white, except perhaps certain families on the Faroe Islands.

He enjoys elevator music, even comissioning a custom tune for the flora imbiber podcasts.

Recently he has acquired an affinity for woodchippers.

Despite all the work he has done, Sargon maintains that he "just wanted to play videogames."